25 Days: Day 11.2018

Because it is December, it seems inevitable that I am here sharing about loss again. On Monday my Uncle Roy Casares passed. The following is what my cousin Amber wrote about her dad. It is everything.

It brings me tremendous pain to share with you the sudden passing of my extraordinary father, Roy Casares (aka Ted Woody round these parts). He died Dec 10 from a heart attack. I am stunned and broken but I wanted to get this out… I hope you’ll indulge me because he was a man worthy of your time.

My dad loved life. I know that’s a cliché but it was so true with him. He loved people… he’d talk to anyone, he seemed endlessly curious, interested… engaging…and funny! He was a nurturer like no other. His first concern was always your comfort. But he was no pushover… he was strong willed… he had opinions… he had deep strong values and he was infuriatingly unafraid to express them and defend them.

#1… He loved his family… Me, Rochelle, his pets, his brother Rick and sisters Nancy and Rebecca, his nieces and nephews. Later in his life he’d finally get to meet his son, Scott, and he loved him and his family too. His best friend Chris was just as much family as any blood. That was it, really, if you were part of his world, you were his family. And he would do anything for you. No joke. He’d find a way.

#2… He loved the vulnerable. He loved animals. He loved immigrants. He loved those who made mistakes and tried to correct them. He was gentle with the outcasts. The quirky people who just didn’t quite fit in. He hated bullies and racists… he had no patience with that… but he did allow them the grace of redemption should they reform. He didn’t hold grudges.

#3… So he loved politics…he believed in a government that looks out for its people… he believed in systems that were fair. He loved feminists and the strength and intellect of women. He was very supportive of LGBT rights. I sang in so many gay bars growing up and the patrons just loved my dad so much and he loved them and their influence in my life … it was beautiful. And as stated above, he loved immigrants… he saw himself in all of them.

#4… He loved to enjoy life. He loved creature comforts. Even the simple joys of his favorite TV shows, movies, and books. Sports! He loved to play computer games. Eating at fancy schmancy restaurants. And Mexican food joints. The swimming pool. Talking with strangers at a hotel bar. Seeing his friends around him having a good time. He loved to make people laugh and he would sit back and see smiling faces and the give and take of good ribbing.. He was sharp and quick, but never wounding.

#5… He didn’t love vegetables. Not a one.

#6… He never complained about work. He went in early, worked hard, made friends. He adored his co-workers at Fast Lane. They were kids to him and they brought him joy. He would mentor them, listen to them, support them, and I think they really cared about him too.

7#... He loved living in Las Vegas. It had everything for him. And he and Rochelle have made wonderful friends who I know will circle the wagons around her. He enjoyed taking Teddy to the dog park… and he made a good friend there too. He couldn’t help himself. His emotional generosity was boundless.

Finally… He loved my singing. I think in a way, my singing was a defining part of his life. That wasn’t the easiest part of our relationship and perhaps the only part where I have regrets. He could be a little bit of a stage-daddy. I had some issues with resentment. He wanted me to knock em dead every time – I wanted to “make art”… He was as happy to see me singing in a karaoke bar as he was to see me on a big stage… as big stages were rarer, the karaoke bar was more frequent and I was not warm to this. Of course I knew then what would happen…. I knew one day I’d give anything to sing Unchained Melody one more time at a karaoke bar for my father.

I lost my best friend yesterday. The best friend I will EVER have. We talked every day, sometimes several times a day. I counted on him for everything… His intelligence… His world view… His boundless never-ending love… I am beyond devastated by his passing. I know he’ll want me to pull it together, but right now I can’t imagine why anything even matters anymore if I can’t share it with him. I feel lost. I thought I had 10 or 15 more years. He was healthy. He was happy. He would be out here in 2 weeks… he was looking forward to it. He believed the secret to a long and happy life was to always have something to look forward to. At least I think it put a bounce in his step and a smile on his face.

He was an extraordinary man. Really. His impact is far greater than anything he could imagine. And that would embarrass him.

If you read this far…. I thank you.