Festive Attire

I was asked to write about the Christmas I got leather pants. I would, except that I never received leather pants for Christmas. The pants in question were vinyl. Black shiny vinyl. They were not a Christmas present either, I purchased them myself to wear to my 31st birthday celebration. In case you are not aware, my birthday is not in December, it is in March. If you want to see me in the pants, there is a picture on my blogger profile thingy over there on the left side of your screen. I will wait while you go look.

Contrary to what people say, I have not worn the pants to our Christmas party, and I am not exactly planning to either. I have worn them to my birthday party, to Kathleen’s birthday party, to several Halloween parties, to Heather’s birthday party, out to the clubs, and once, just once, I wore them to a company Christmas party.

Before I continue I will say this. They are just pants. Yes, they are shiny, and vinyl and it is recommended that you put lotion on the outside of the pant legs so they don’t squeak when you walk, but they really are just pants. They are not a lifestyle choice, or a fashion statement, they are just pants. I bought them when I was 31 for my shiny pant birthday when 2 other coworkers bought the same pants, and some others showed up for the party in leather pants, leopard print pants, or silver pleather pants.

Christmas 2005 my boss had a huge company party at his palatial mansion over by the state capital. Attendance at these annual events was mandatory, everyone got all dressed up, the girls from Tulsa all came dressed as hookers, (don’t ask), everyone over imbibed, employee awards were given, and then usually the boss took a group out after to see a drag show, unless there was naked swimming, or people getting in the hot tub in their underwear. Are you sure you want to be reading this? It sounds pretty depraved. (For the record, I was not a naked swimmer)

If you are still with me, I didn’t particularly want to go. Work is . . . well it is work, and in 2005 so many of my coworkers were at least 10 years younger than I was. But I understand what the word mandatory means, so I was going. The pants I had planned to wear were your basic black dress slacks. Either I forgot to pick them up from the dry cleaners, or I forgot to lose the 10lbs necessary to get them buttoned. Who can say? So there it was, the babysitter was there Kat looked fabulous in her pretty dress and my choice was the aforementioned pants that didn’t fit, or the khakis I wore every day. Kat suggested the vinyl pants, and since it is not like the party is a formal event (hence the hooker wear), I wore them.

You would not believe the big deal people made about the pants. Seriously? They are just pants. You would have thought they were made of cellophane they way people carried on. I wore them with a nice dress shirt, so it’s not like I was all Billy Idol or anything for the party. But clearly, as people are still talking about it 5 years later it made a lasting impression. I could make a statement about some people have nothing better to do than talk about a pair of pants I wore to a party once. I asked Kat if she thought I looked bad, because it is her job to not let me leave the house looking bad, and she said no, that I looked really Really REALLY good in the pants. My friend Candi, who also has a pair of the pants, suggested that the big deal is that it surprised so many of my coworkers don’t know me at all and it surprised them.

So, does this have anything to do with Christmas? I guess only if I wear them to this year’s party.