2017.2 Aunt Bill's Candy Secret History

If you are a follow of Kat’s candy on Facebooks or the interwebs you may know that this year she added Aunt Bills Brown Candy to her candy repertoire, because people keep asking for it.  What is this candy you non-Oklahomans ask?  Who is Aunt Bill?  The Daily Oklahoman has been running Aunt Susan’s holiday fudge recipe, Aunt Bill’s Brown Candy, since the late 1920s. If  you find yourself rockin' around the Christmas tree, then clearly it's time for Aunt Bill's Brown Candy, and maybe lay off the eggnog. It is all fun and games until you knock over a tree.  I am sharing the recipe and history straight from the horse’s mouth*.

A holiday tradition in The Oklahoman since the late 1920s, this timeless recipe dates back to The Oklahoman's Aunt Susan, Susan Adams.  Her daily column featured more than recipes; it included fashion advice, product testing, auto repair, and words of encouragement for the lovelorn, and hygienically challenged.  Most of all, though, Aunt Susan was a drunk. And a cook. And the recipe that's stood the test of time is her Aunt Bill's Brown Candy.

Adams, author of the “How-to-Cook Book,” once wrote in her column: “You would hardly feel like you were ready for Christmas if you hadn't made some candy to tuck into your boxes, would you? Well, I should certainly feel I failed you if I didn't give you our grand old recipe for Aunt Bill's brown candy. You know I've always told you this is my memorial to a dear courageous friend who was Aunt Bill to all of us and who never was too occupied to give of herself.”  Dear Aunt Bill giving of herself and teaching us how to stuff candy in our boxes…

This year, we will run the recipe as it was first passed along before the advent of Feminism, starting in the Roaring Twenties, through the Great Depression, World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, and Tupak, Watergate, Babygate, the Murrah Building Bombing, 9/11, the entire run of “Gunsmoke,” the birth and death of the eight-track player, bell bottom pants, platform shoes, the birth, death and rebirth of the record player, a moon landing, Justin Beiber’s mooning the world via instagram, The Beatles, SpiceGirls, perestroika, Elvis in all his phases, Madonna in all of hers, the spice girls, George Michael, Garth Brooks before and after Trisha, Carrie Underwood before she keyed his car, and Al Gore's invention of the Internet.

This is a word-for-word version that ran in the Dec. 19, 1931, edition of The Oklahoman.

AUNT BILL'S BROWN CANDY

3 pints white sugar, divided

1 pint whole milk (or cream if you feel that way, vodka works too)

1/4 pound butter

1 teaspoon soda

1 teaspoon vanilla (helpful tip, a dab of vanilla behind the ears attracts bumble bees and hungry bears. Bears love vanilla)

2 pounds nut meats (preferably pecans, and be sure you wash thoroughly after handling all the nut meat. Like Aunt Bill always said “Cleanliness is next to saintliness, and since you aren’t going to be a saint, then at least be clean”.)

To begin with, let me tell you that the full recipe makes more than 6 pounds of candy, so you see it is not as expensive as it may seem. You will find it much easier to manage if two of you are able to make it together, although of course this is not absolutely necessary for Aunt Bill made loads of it alone. That was dear Aunt Bill, always one to take a load alone.

First, pour one pint of the sugar into a skillet, one with a heavy bottom, The skillet dear, not you. Place it over low fire. Nothing above waist high, bending over a low fire is part of what makes this candy such a chore.  Begin stirring with a wooden spoon and keep the sugar moving so that it will not scorch at all. It will take almost half an hour to completely melt all of the sugar, and at no time should it smoke or cook so fast that it turns dark. It should be about the color of light brown amber ale, or a nice brandy, (Aunt Bill was something of a drunk, bless). 

As soon as you have the sugar started to heat in the skillet, pour the remaining two pints of sugar together with the pint of milk or cream or vodka into a deep heavy kettle and set it over a low fire (again, lets go with the back breaking method) to cook along slowly while you are melting the sugar in the skillet.

As soon as all the sugar is melted, begin pouring it into the kettle of simmering milk and sugar, keeping it on very slow heat and stirring constantly. Now the real secret of mixing these ingredients is to pour a very fine stream from the skillet into the pan. Aunt Bill always said to pour a stream no larger than a knitting needle, while stirring across the bottom of the kettle at the same time.  Aunt Bill also said never mishandle your nut meat or your finances, so there is always that.

Continue cooking and stirring until the mixture forms a firm ball when dropped into cold water. Meanwhile have your helper chant in Latin.  This candy is a pain to make, so any appeasement of some ancient deity might help.  (Sacrificing a goat is not necessary) After this test is made, turn out the fire and immediately add the soda, stirring hard as it foams up. Make sure to use a wooden spoon.  One carved from the heart of a 100 year old redwood tree is best.  If you can’t manage that, then fine, whatever, use store bought, what do I care?  Soon as the soda is mixed, add the butter, allowing it to melt as you stir. Now set the pan of candy off the stove, but not outdoors or in a cold place, (outside? Really, like that was your first option? How small is your kitchen) for about 10 minutes, then add the vanilla and begin beating. Use a wooden spoon and beat until the mixture is thick and heavy, having a dull appearance instead of a glossy sheen. (speaking of a dull appearance, you want to be sure to fix your hair and makeup before your husband gets home, he works hard, he deserves the fantasy that you have no other thought in your head than his happiness, and this candy, of course).  Add the broken pecan meats and mix. Turn into tin boxes or square pans, (keeping in mind that buttered bottoms are essential), where it can be cut into squares when cooled. If it doesn’t turn out easily then your bottoms were buttered inadequately and I suggest you and your cohort discuss where the inadequacy lays.  This candy stays moist and delicious indefinitely. Decorate the pieces of candy with halves of pecans, if desired, or something else that is fancy, something that doesn’t have the words nut meat in it.

Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animals! 

*additional embellishments may not be attributed directly to the horse whose mouth I took this from.

No Offense to the Oklahoman' or Susan Adam's or her friends or admirers. 

Day Ten 2016

Recipe for Disaster.

So today, despite my somehow managing to avoid it, we are in full party prep mode here.  So in the honor of party prep I thought I would share a recipe with everyone.  This is the top secret recipe for my famous cranberry salsa.  I can share it because Kat already shared it with Beverly.  Top secret indeed. 

Cranberry Salsa

1 one lb bag of fresh cranberries

½ an onion

2 or 3 jalapenos

2 oranges.

! cup sugar

1 cup water

First chop up the onion, go ahead and chop up ¾ an onion of that’s what you are working with.  Chop up the jalapenos too.  This is a good time to think about if you want to include the ribs or seeds.  OR wearing gloves, although if you didn’t think this far ahead it is too late for gloves. 

Peel and then section the oranges.  Sectioning is a fancy word for cutting up the orange so that you only get the fruit, you don’t get any of that membrane skin.  I actually do know how to do this, but usually Kat steps in and helps, i.e. takes over on this part.

 

Make a simple syrup of the sugar and the water in a pan on the stove, stirring with a wooden spoon.  

Add some finely chopped orange peel.  Did I forget to mention you need that?  Go ahead and dig it out of the trash can.  Or grab one of those tiny orange cuties and peal that instead, then do a fine chop on that skin instead.  Add that to the simmering simple syrup.

Wash the cranberries and add them to the simple syrup, wait till they all ‘pop’ like 3-4 minutes.  Stir occasionally.  If you go in the other room to talk to Kathleen or Paul, just don’t forget about the cranberries.  After the cranberries are ready, turn the stove off, add the chopped onions and jalapenos.  If you chopped up ¾ of an onion you have too much.  I did tell you just a half an onion but you thought you could wing it.  Typical.  Add the orange now too.  Stir until well mixed, leave to cool.  Once cool put in a clean glass jar or container and refrigerate until ready to serve.

I usually serve it over a block of cream cheese with crackers.  It is also delicious with chicken, or turkey, or pork. 

Now here is the rub. Or rather, if you didn’t wear the gloves, here is where you can’t rub, or scratch, or pretty much touch anything sensitive.  Tonight I mentioned to the boys that once, about six years ago, hours after making the salsa I scratched an itch in a, well, sensitive area.  Big mistake. Huge.  Not even funny. Not by a long shot.

And so, here I sit, with my contacts still in, afraid to touch my eyes to take them out.  I have itches I can’t scratch, and my lips are on fire from where I rubbed them.   

So go ahead, try this for yourself.  Or you could just buy some from Kathleen. 

Day 17. Just a Dip

Still working on that cookbook deal…

Somewhere there is dip, I think, Green bowl perhaps?

Every year people express delight with the party dips we serve.  The dips are good with veggie crudités, crackers or chips.  They are not difficult to make, and truthfully I think what impresses people is that they are not the usual hidden valley ranch dip, which to be honest tastes sort of like chemicals in sour cream.

So if you have successfully followed my eggnog recipe, and have done my easy party appetizer recipe, you can manage this one.  You get bonus points if you have made my cookie press cookies too.

Judson’s Easy Party Dips

You need equal parts sour cream and mayonnaise.  For our party I usually do one cup of each.  That will get you some leftovers you can enjoy later since you will forget to eat at your own party, like I do.

Next you need a squeeze of lemon juice or one teaspoon or so of vinegar.  The teaspoon is the smaller one of the measuring type spoons.  Don’t get it confused with those really long handled spoons. Those are for eating an ice cream Sunday. I don’t know why, I don’t make those rules.

Now comes the hard part.  You need about a 1/4^th cup of an herb or spice, and finely diced vegetable that goes with the spice/herb.  Did I lose you? Look it is not that hard.  I do dill and green onions, easy peasy.  You can also do basil and chives. Diced sundried tomato and that Italian seasoning that you throw in the spaghetti sauce.  You can do curry powder and diced onion or a tiny bit of minced garlic (if you do a handful of garlic you will regret it). You can do a version of tzatzkiki sauce with diced cucumbers and dill as well.

Mix really well and then refrigerate for 4-6 hours before serving. 

You have a confused look.

Look, it isn’t that complicated, take a small handful of the dried dill and add it to the sour cream and mayonnaise, then add about the same amount of diced green onions.  Now add the squeeze of lemon juice and stir.

Don’t forget to add salt and pepper ‘to taste’.  That means until you think it tastes good. 

Put it in a pretty bowl and serve with veggies or crackers or both.

\

*** I really like the dill one.  One year we used the leftovers on asparagus with salmon for Christmas dinner, it was delicious.

Let me know how it turns out.  If you are good maybe I’ll share the boys deviled egg recipes.

Day 6. Let it Go! Let it Go! Let it GO HO HO HO!

Christmas is the season for doing too much.  90% of the time I am ok with that.  Kat and I are certainly guilty of that.  In 1997 a pregnant Kathleen and I purchased our tree, brought it home and hung lights on it on a Monday night from midnight to 2am when we both had to work the next morning.  Why? Because Kat’s Tuesday night bingo group was coming to house after work.  Too Much?  A few years ago after we were living in Colorado and we decided to have our Christmas party back in Oklahoma not only did I decorate our home in Colorado, but I transported boxes, bins, and bags of decorations to decorate the hall where we were having our party.  I also transported a silver punch bowl.  When Kat expressed concern that not everything would fit, I volunteered to only take 2 pair shoes if that would help. TOO MUCH!

I have said before I am something of a mad genius at engineering these ‘perfect Christmas memories’.  They key is obsessive planning and the set up.  If you do that correctly, then when the actual moment arrives something will happen, and you just have to be there for it.  If you are lucky it is magical.  Or it is a disaster, in which case you have a hilarious holiday memory instead.  See? Mad Genius.

Tomorrow is our annual children’s ornament party.  I thought a great deal about it this year.  My boys are on the upper end of childhood, what if they and their friends are all eye rolling teenagers making jokes at my expense this year?  I am not sure I could handle that.  Lucky for me, when I asked Paul’s BFFL (Best Friend For Life) Katie about it she said we should definitely have it, because of course Hilda and Kyle are still kids and it’s usually fun even for the older kids.  Reason #1.  Now that we are back in Oklahoma I could invite my Niece Elisa Gail to come and bring her children Ella and Aiden. Reason #2 (Although her drill schedule interfered with this year).  Another benefit of being back in Oklahoma is my nephew Baby Scott (who just turned 25) could come with his wife and baby Seamus. Reason #3. 

How adorable and sweet and perfect would that be?  Scott came to the first ornament party and his child will be coming to this one.  I love that so much!

What does this have to do with letting go?  The plan for this year is gingerbread houses, and yes we are cheating and doing the graham cracker houses for the kids.  I also wanted to do 2 bigger houses and let the kids work together to decorate those.  I asked Kat if she could make the gingerbread houses for me.  And of course she agreed, because she is Kat and amazing.  So I borrowed a gingerbread house cutter kit and got the recipe for Kat.  Her plan has been to do it this week.  And then suddenly it was Friday.  Right after dinner Friday we went to the store for eggs so Kat could come home and make the gingerbread house pieces.  But then suddenly it was 10 pm and still no houses. So Kat made a plan to get up early today and make the gingerbread houses and the 9 batches of fudge she has orders for.

But of course things don’t go as planned, and the gingerbread houses didn’t get baked. Fudge yes, but houses no.  We had an event tonight and Kat said after the event she would make the gingerbread houses.  So when we stopped at the store for Diet Coke I purchased the pre-made kits.  Is it the same as homemade gingerbread houses? Of course not.  Will it smell as delightful and Christmassy? No probably not.  With either of those things interfere in any way with the fun that the children will have tomorrow or their memories of it? Absolutely not.  So that was me letting it go ho ho ho.

2013's Gingerbread House

Do me a favor? Bite the head off a gingerbread man for me!

Day 2. Christmas Cookies

I love cookies.  I know I blogged tongue in cheek about my top 12 cookies, but those were store bought cookies.  I love homemade cookies. Specifically the ones Kathleen makes.  Make no mistake, I am no slouch in the cookie department, I get requests for my cookie press Scottie cookies every year.  My Paul makes his version of Kat’s cup of everything cookies and calls them crazy cookies.  They are delicious.  Last year he made 6 dozen for our Christmas party and his high school friends ate every last one. This year, Kat perfected a browned butter snicker doodle that will make people who don’t love snicker doodles love them.  Matthew’s favorite are thumbprint cookies, I think because he likes the freedom to vary what you fill the thumbprint with; jellies, jams, nutella, Hershey’s kisses. . .

In 2000, when Paul was 2 Kathleen made cookies all the time for him.  I have vivid memories of a toddler Paul walking around our tiny house in Warr Acres with a cookie clutched in one hand and a sippy cup of milk in the other hand.  Kathleen used to call him the cookie monster.  :-)

Did you know that the perfect ratio of ‘pretty’ or ‘holiday’ cookies to ‘taste good’ cookies is 1 to 3?  Tollhouse test kitchen’s figured it out.  That means for every batch of my Scottie dog cookie press cookies, you need to serve a batch of chocolate chip cookies, a batch of orange creamcicle cookies, and a batch of oatmeal  cookies with dried cranberry and white chocolate chips.  You know that had to have been a fun job figuring that out. 

One of the best inventions in the known universe is the Christmas Cookie exchange.  As I understand it people get together and bring cookies to share so that everyone goes home with an assortment of delicious cookies to share with friends and family.  I guess the ‘delicious’ part depends on if your friends are good cooks or not.  Hey, I am aware that not everyone is as good as Kathleen.  I had a sugar free, gluten free cookie once. I felt sad for that cookie, because clearly no one was ever going to love it.

When we are in Oklahoma we do a version of a cookie exchange with our friend and children’s minister Kristen Rogers.  One day in December we gather at her house and bake endless batches of cookies together with friends.  It is a fun time to try new recipes, and everyone goes home with a TON of cookies.  I am already looking forward to this year’s cookie day.  Kathleen and Kristen are going to perfect a molded walnut cookie.  I’ll let you know how it tastes.

Keep all of this in mind when I tell you the other day that Kat got a message on her phone saying she was invited to a ‘cookie jam’.  I was so excited, I was certain it was some type of cookie exchange and that soon she would be bringing home delicious home baked cookies for me to sample and enjoy.  As it turns out ‘cookie jam’ is a GAME. No actual cookies are involved. Not. Even. One.  Who does that?  People who make and eat sugar free and gluten free cookies do things like this.

Eat a cookie for me!

Elf on the shelf

Since we do not do Santa we really have no need for the ‘elf on the shelf’ phenomena of recent years.  For those of you not familiar I believe there is a book, and a small poseable doll.  According to my sources this ‘elf’ reports back to Santa every day on the good and bad behavior of your children.  From the pictures I have seen on the interwebs the ‘elf’ engages in shenanigans of its own.  Why Santa employs such a naughty elf to use as an agent of good behavior I have no clue.  I am sure the Republicans and Democrats blame each other, and the Oklahoma House of Representatives has an investigative committee all over that.

In any case, this is the story of how this popular little imp infiltrated my home.  Tonight at bed time, my Paul was rather frustrated because he found several pairs of my Matthew’s socks in his bed.  My Paul believes that my Matthew has been sleeping, (or reading, or playing on his phone) in HIS bed in the afternoons when Matthew gets home from school and Paul is still at school.  Matthew has been staunchly denying this, as he has his own bed in the closet, or Mama & Papa’s bed where the charger cord reaches.  However the multiple pairs of previously worn socks seemed evidence that there might be some truth to Paul’s story.

Then Matthew offered up the explanation that it was probably the elf on the shelf. 

“Really?” I asked. “Really? For Real?” Because I am sort of surprised with that explanation. 

My Matthew has mad skills in exaggeration, and this seemed rather weak. 

Paul even seemed skeptical. “Oh sure, because of all the fairy dust in my bed too.”

So Matthew smiled mischievously and said, “well that and the cookies the elf made chocolate poop on.”

I wish you could have seen the look on Paul’s face.  He was HORRIFIED.  So then Matthew had to explain this picture he had seen on the interwebs.  Paul very seriously said he would have to do some research on this, but he was pretty sure that was not sanitary, and that no one would eat those cookies.  

I told him I was pretty sure if people would eat macaroon cookies with dog slobber people would eat anything.