Dad's Practical Pointers

In preparation for this article, I spent some time thinking about the things I have taught my sons, both intentionally and by accident. After working up the courage, I asked them for their thoughts. Surprisingly, they were both eager to share.

Matthew told me that I taught him how to change a tire. He remembers it vividly. I was taking him to soccer practice while we were living in Denver when we had a blowout. I was dressed in work clothes with dress shoes, and we were already running late. He recalls that I stayed calm and matter-of-fact, showing him what to do as we went along. He added that every time he has had to change a tire since, he thinks of that day.

When it came to life lessons, Matthew said that he works hard at his jobs and performs well in stressful situations, something he believes he learned from watching me. He remembers spending weekends with me in my office after his soccer games were over, “helping out” while I worked. Matthew credits his commitment to hard work and his ability to stay calm under pressure to those moments. High praise.

Paul had a different answer. He recalled that I taught him how to tie his shoes, a practical lesson by any measure. When I asked about life lessons, Paul said that I taught him that we always do what has to be done, and that we can do hard things. Those phrases are throwbacks to 2011, when I was traveling often for work and away from home more than I wanted to be. Matthew would repeat them like a mantra during the times he struggled with my absence. Paul said those lessons mattered then, and that they still matter now. As an adult, he finds himself returning to them when things feel difficult.

What strikes me most is that the lessons my sons remember are not the ones I carefully planned or consciously tried to teach. They are the ones learned in the middle of ordinary moments, stressful days, and imperfect circumstances. A flat tire. Tying shoes. Showing up and doing the work. If there is any comfort in parenting, perhaps it is this. Even when we are unsure of ourselves, even when we are simply doing what has to be done, something good may still be taking root.