Day 11. Texas Jay

I am telling you right now that I wasn't sure if I would be able to post this or not.  I have mentioned my friend Texas Jay before.  His name is Jay and he lives in Texas. (In case you are slow to learn and didn’t figure that from his moniker).  What can I say about Jay?  Kat calls him a small tall man. He is meticulous in his choice of stationary. My Matthew grew up thinking Jay owns Texas Roadhouse. He loves me more than his luggage.  I call him for fashion advice when I am shopping.

one does want a spot of color

I have been friends with Jay since 1999, but I haven’t actually met him in person.  He is a very good friend and today is his birthday.  I think he is turning 56 if my math is correct. ~smirk

AARP poster boy

I am blessed beyond words to have Jay as my friend.  In addition to wishing Jay birthday wishes I have been praying for Jay often this holiday season.  His mother passed away in November.  I know how difficult that loss is, and I grieve for my friend to have lost the one person to whom he was the sun and the moon.

Here in the midst of the holiday season, feeling the loss of a loved one, you have to wonder what advice do you give to help him? Do you decorate and go to parties and all that as though the person was still here?  Do you boycott everything festive because it hurts too much?  My first Christmas without my mom was also my Matthew’s first Christmas and I struggled between the extreme of doing too much and not wanting to do anything at all.  My Mother had often told me when I was thirsty to have a drink of water; meaning feel the feelings I was having in the moment, and embrace it.  When I missed her terribly, I could hear her saying “I know” and it sustained me.

So today on Jay’s birthday my message to him is the same his mother’s daily message to him “"be careful, have a safe day, eat something, call me when you can. I love you"

Consuelo Gomez Torres

Day 10. Little bit of backstory

I am working on an entry for the 11^th but there is so much back story that it is going to take 2 entries.  So consider this back story and necessary to the advancement of the plot.  So this is COMPLETELY not the Phantom Menace of my blog. 

When I was in college my Mom was very involved with social justice causes in Tucson AZ, and one of the ones close to her heart was the plight of the homeless.  There were so many homeless people living on the streets in Tucson, some sent there from other states by city officials to clean up their cities homeless problems.  My Mom organized the parents of her school to provided food for the Casa Maria, she volunteered some nights when the church provided emergency shelter for the homeless when the temperatures dropped below freezing, and annually she camped out at the capital on Christmas eve as part of a big demonstration to remind those in power that Jesus was homeless himself when he was born.

In addition to these traditional ways of showing support for the homeless community my Mom also participated in a few civil disobedience protests that had to potential to get her arrested.  One year, December 1989, the Homeless Coalition broke into a vacant house that was in the university/downtown area and claimed it as a homeless shelter.  The home was owned by the city, had been vacant for years and had running utilities.  The point of the demonstration was to let the people of Tucson know that the city owned dozens of homes like this that were not being used for anything, so the argument that there was no funding to provide temporary housing for families in crisis, and nowhere to house them was something of a misrepresentation.  Since the protest was over Christmas break I was there with my Mom. 

Mostly the protest consisted of standing around outside in the cold listening to speeches and then later going in the house where it was warm and having a cup of warm apple cider and then going home.  All in all, it was a relatively minor event in my history.

In December 2000 I was back in Tucson with my Mom for a surgery that was supposed to be for an ovarian cyst but turned out to be cancer.  A few days before the surgery we were driving around town and happened to drive past that house where the protest was held.  I said to my Mom “Hey was that…” and before I could even really formulate the rest of the question she said “Yes it was”.  Then she said words that stick with me, even today.  She said “I know, remember that Jud, I know”.

The summer of 2001 when I was in Tucson after she passed away I’d drive by that house and I’d hear her say that “I Know”.  When I miss her and I want to call her and talk to her I hear her say “I Know”.  At Christmas when I sing the wrong Joy to the World like she did, I hear her say “I Know”.  Most of all when I want to show her how amazing my sons are and how proud of them she would be I hear her say “I Know”

Do me a favor? Love your Mama for me.

Day 1. We Need A Little Christmas

It is December 1^st again, and where do I start?  I have debated whether or not blog this year.  I want to be merry and light and festive for 25 days and hopefully people will get their ho ho ho’s on, but it is a challenge. 

There are several reasons not to blog this year. First of all it takes time. Time I probably don’t have. Secondly, when I am blogging it looks like I am wasting time on my computer, (see reason #1 again.) Thirdly, it hasn’t been the easiest year and what if I can’t find 25 days of cheerfulness? It is not easy being clever all the time.

And here are the reasons to do it. . .

No really I do have some good reasons.

Well I think I do anyway.

Now what are they??

It comes down to this.  I started the blog in 2009 for one reason; because I thought it would be fun.  Mostly it has been.  (That is me underselling it).  My original plan was to have fun, and I can use some fun. (See reason #3 not to).

So here I am listening to Christmas music and blogging away.  I don’t have my usual 10 pre-written entries that I started in October, so you can expect it to be more off the cuff this year.  Maybe that is not a good thing.  I guess we will see.  I do have a few things planned though.  I have 2 guest bloggers lined up, and a potential guest poet.  I read one of the entries yesterday and it is really good.  I’ve asked the boys to contribute this year, but we will see. Maybe I can get Kathleen to write an entry?  I have already asked her to make 5 gingerbread houses, 3 new flavors of fudge, to help me figure out how to print the party invitations, and to figure out how to make these walnut shaped cookies.  All of this on top of the usual cookies, candy, and fudge.  Hmm… probably that’s a no to an entry from Kat. I guess I better put the pressure back on the boys.

If you are reading this and thinking “Hey! Why didn’t he ask me to write an entry?” then shoot me an email at judsonkinkade@gmail.com and I’ll give you a day.

Happy December 1, 2014.  Eat that advent candy for me.

***So I got this entry written and then it took me 40 minutes to figure out what email address I use to log in to Blogger.  Luckily Kathleen is amazing and she knew.

Love your Children

Almost a year ago I wrote this about the school shootings in Connecticut.

It makes me heartsick that it happened again, and not just once, and that it keeps happening.

Love your children.

That is all.
 

Christmas Remembered - Day 14

Today I just can't. In Connecticut and other places in the world tonight there are families realizing they will never hold their children in their arms again. That is incomprehensible to me. So I can’t be funny tonight, and it is a struggle to write about happier times.

Instead I am sharing pictures of Christmases past and the counting my 2 biggest blessings tonight.

A Christmas Memory - Day Three

Holidays I don’t write about.

If you have read the other entries I have written then you know that I will write about anything. I wrote about shiny pants didn’t I? I have written about my childhood, and my children, and my children’s childhoods. I have written about Kat’s family, and my family. I have written about my friends and their families, I have even written about people I have never even met. I have other stories to tell, but sometimes I try and I can’t.

There is a great story about shopping for a wedding dress with Jenni in 2000, but the back story sucks and sometimes it hurts so much I can’t breathe. Paul’s first Christmas is noticeably missing as well, because it was Stephanie’s last and I just can’t, not if Kat and her folks are going to read it.

Last year I shared something my friend Durlix wrote questioning when the melancholy creeps into the holiday. I guess I have to ask when is not there? My Paul already knows and he is 14. That hurts me because I want my children to enjoy the holidays, and not be sad, but I know that I can’t always take away their sadness.

So what are your off limit years? What years do you just want to skip it all together and pretend it is March? I honestly and sincerely hope that this is not one of those years for you.