Day 5. All I Want for Christmas is...

How do you tell your mother in law that you and her daughter broke the bed in their guest room?  What is a good way to explain that?  How do you even start?

Of all of the embarrassing experiences I have had, I never thought that I would find myself having to admit to breaking a bed at my in-laws house in the middle of the night.  No matter how I try to explain it, it just comes out bad.  Stop smirking.

Since moving back to Oklahoma we have been living with my in-laws while we got jobs and found a new place to live.  Kathleen and I have been sleeping in the guest room on a futon couch that converts to a bed.  The futon is old, Kat’s parents had it in CA before they moved out here in 2003.  I am guessing it is at least 15 years old.  Does this sound like I am trying to justify the damage?

Not Our Bed, Just a Dramatic Image for Emphasis

There is a long version of this story that involves slight damage noticed a week ago, but the short and sweet version is that the bed is broken and Tuesday night at midnight I found myself rolling out of a broken bed no matter how I tried to adjust myself.  When faced between sleeping on a bed that was surely going to roll me out onto the floor and sleeping on the floor, Kat and I chose the floor.  Except that the guest room is kind of small, and in order to put the mattress on the floor we needed to move the frame.  So at midnight I was waking up Matthew and getting him to come upstairs to help me move this bed frame downstairs.  I tried to explain that the frame was old, and that it seemed a screw or two was missing, but he just rolled his eyes and said, “don’t tell me, I don’t need to know.” Stop smirking, I say!

We tried to be quiet about the whole thing, but eventually we woke up my mother in law who stuck her head out of her bedroom to see what was going on. When the explanation starts with “We weren’t doing anything …” well it just sounds suspicious.

I promise we weren’t trying to sneak the broken frame downstairs; I just wanted to avoid waking up my in-laws.  I swear.

My VERY good friend Scott is coming by Saturday to help me move my bed from storage into our room.  It is like a Christmas Miracle come early!

Day 4. Christmas Letters

I really enjoy getting Christmas letters.  I know it is sort of a dying tradition since it is so easy to stay in touch in the virtual world.  I just have an appreciation for the fact that someone took the time to write out a letter about their year, where they are, what the highlights were and what they are going through.

I doubt that it serves as a better way of keeping in touch than a quick email or facebook post, but I like it nonetheless.  So far this year I have received 2; one from someone I have known since HS and the other from someone I have known since college.  It is a great way to keep in touch.

Kat and I used to send out our own version before we had kids.  One year someone confided that they only ever read the first page of those holiday news letter.  Armed with that information I liked to save up the really juicy stuff for the second page, or at least bury it near the end of the letter as a test to see if anyone was still paying attention. I ran over an elf today on the way home from work.  That way my really dedicated friends were rewarded for their diligence.

I have thought about a news letter for this year, it certainly has been a big year full of big news.  I just haven’t fully committed to doing it yet. I had a heart attack in January.  With all the big news it’s almost impossible to decide where to start. We moved back to Oklahoma.  Not to mention the pressure to be funny and clever and sound positive in the newsletter. The cardiologist asked if Kathleen was my mother.  Plus you have to decide whether to include pictures or not, and then the important question of what size print font do you want?  I will say that the letters I received this year are very optimistic about how good my eyesight is. 

So if you haven’t written a holiday letter to send to me, there is still time!  I look forward to hearing from you!

Lick a stamp for me!

Day 3. Keeping Christ in Christmas

Today’s blog entry is courtesy of my dear friend Jodi.  If you have been paying attention you may remember that Jodi wrote a blog entry for me last year. You can read it here.  What can I say about Jodi?  She is the only person I’d ever let call me a fat bastard in print. She wrote this for her blog www.thejodithompson.com and agreed to let me post it here.

I’m seeing a lot of things on my feed imploring me to keep Christ in Christmas. I was scrolling along, nodding my head in assent when I came to a shocking realization – a lot of the same people were posting some fairly un-Christlike stuff about other people.

I’m not talking about saying that Aunt Susie’s butt looked bigger than normal on Thanksgiving. We are human and we slip up. (I apologize to all the Aunt Susie’s out there, but I have a lot of aunts and none of them named Susie. I couldn’t take a chance with any other name.)

I am talking about saying the homeless should just quit drinking and get jobs.

I am talking about posting “news” reports disparaging people not like them, even when they KNOW the reports to be untrue. (Just today I have read untrue and exaggerated stories disparaging blacks, whites, atheists, Christians, and Jews. It has been a slow day for bashing Muslims and Hispanics, but I assure you that is unusual.)

I am talking about blaming “welfare scum” for the financial ills of everyone not on welfare.

I am talking about slut shaming Sasha & Malia Obama because they dared to wear above the knee skirts and be bored when they had to go to work with their dad.

That is just the tip of the hate-filled iceberg.

I just have to ask – where is Christ in all that hate? I do not care if the clerk at the grocery store says “Merry Christmas.” I. Just. Do. Not. Care. I do care that people are assuming all homeless are that way because they are too lazy or drunk to get a job. I do care that people think it is okay to LIE about people not like them simply because they are not like them. I do care that people don’t take responsibility for their own big screen TV and new SUV, but instead blame it on the ten cents a day of their taxes that go to welfare. I do care that they bash the First Daughters for the sin of being the child of a leader they have decided to hate.

I know that there are people, homeless and not, that are too lazy or drunk to get a job. I also know that the majority of homeless are suffering from untreated mental illness, others are just caught up in the same bad luck that can be found in any neighborhood. And what about homeless children? Do they deserve what they get? (On a personal note, one of our local shelters recently had two PhDs, an electrical engineer and a surgical nurse. They were all employed and homeless.)

I know that there are plenty of people doing bad things and I believe they deserve whatever storm comes their way. I also know that if you knowingly spread information you know to be incorrect, you are a liar. You are a liar just as surely as the person who created the lie.

I know there are people who abuse the welfare system. I would dearly love to get my ideas to the people in charge. (Hello? How about making SNAP operate a bit more like WIC? And allowing for the purchase of things like toilet paper and soap?) I also know that there are families who are using welfare programs to get through a tough time and they would love nothing more than to say they didn’t need that help.

I know that I want no part in bashing two teenagers because they didn’t act enthused about attending the pardon of a turkey — especially when they would have been skewered for overacting if they had tried to be animated for the cameras. I’m sure they are imperfect, but quite honestly, I’d rather have them hanging around than a lot of what I see walking in to our local high school. On the scale of American teens they fall squarely in the “not bad” category.

What I know most of all is that Jesus Christ would not care about his name being recognized with a holiday. He would care about his name being associated with people who spread hate and dissent. If you want to keep the Christ in Christmas feed the hungry, love the unlovable, and be a better person than you were yesterday.

Day 2. Christmas Cookies

I love cookies.  I know I blogged tongue in cheek about my top 12 cookies, but those were store bought cookies.  I love homemade cookies. Specifically the ones Kathleen makes.  Make no mistake, I am no slouch in the cookie department, I get requests for my cookie press Scottie cookies every year.  My Paul makes his version of Kat’s cup of everything cookies and calls them crazy cookies.  They are delicious.  Last year he made 6 dozen for our Christmas party and his high school friends ate every last one. This year, Kat perfected a browned butter snicker doodle that will make people who don’t love snicker doodles love them.  Matthew’s favorite are thumbprint cookies, I think because he likes the freedom to vary what you fill the thumbprint with; jellies, jams, nutella, Hershey’s kisses. . .

In 2000, when Paul was 2 Kathleen made cookies all the time for him.  I have vivid memories of a toddler Paul walking around our tiny house in Warr Acres with a cookie clutched in one hand and a sippy cup of milk in the other hand.  Kathleen used to call him the cookie monster.  :-)

Did you know that the perfect ratio of ‘pretty’ or ‘holiday’ cookies to ‘taste good’ cookies is 1 to 3?  Tollhouse test kitchen’s figured it out.  That means for every batch of my Scottie dog cookie press cookies, you need to serve a batch of chocolate chip cookies, a batch of orange creamcicle cookies, and a batch of oatmeal  cookies with dried cranberry and white chocolate chips.  You know that had to have been a fun job figuring that out. 

One of the best inventions in the known universe is the Christmas Cookie exchange.  As I understand it people get together and bring cookies to share so that everyone goes home with an assortment of delicious cookies to share with friends and family.  I guess the ‘delicious’ part depends on if your friends are good cooks or not.  Hey, I am aware that not everyone is as good as Kathleen.  I had a sugar free, gluten free cookie once. I felt sad for that cookie, because clearly no one was ever going to love it.

When we are in Oklahoma we do a version of a cookie exchange with our friend and children’s minister Kristen Rogers.  One day in December we gather at her house and bake endless batches of cookies together with friends.  It is a fun time to try new recipes, and everyone goes home with a TON of cookies.  I am already looking forward to this year’s cookie day.  Kathleen and Kristen are going to perfect a molded walnut cookie.  I’ll let you know how it tastes.

Keep all of this in mind when I tell you the other day that Kat got a message on her phone saying she was invited to a ‘cookie jam’.  I was so excited, I was certain it was some type of cookie exchange and that soon she would be bringing home delicious home baked cookies for me to sample and enjoy.  As it turns out ‘cookie jam’ is a GAME. No actual cookies are involved. Not. Even. One.  Who does that?  People who make and eat sugar free and gluten free cookies do things like this.

Eat a cookie for me!

Day 1. We Need A Little Christmas

It is December 1^st again, and where do I start?  I have debated whether or not blog this year.  I want to be merry and light and festive for 25 days and hopefully people will get their ho ho ho’s on, but it is a challenge. 

There are several reasons not to blog this year. First of all it takes time. Time I probably don’t have. Secondly, when I am blogging it looks like I am wasting time on my computer, (see reason #1 again.) Thirdly, it hasn’t been the easiest year and what if I can’t find 25 days of cheerfulness? It is not easy being clever all the time.

And here are the reasons to do it. . .

No really I do have some good reasons.

Well I think I do anyway.

Now what are they??

It comes down to this.  I started the blog in 2009 for one reason; because I thought it would be fun.  Mostly it has been.  (That is me underselling it).  My original plan was to have fun, and I can use some fun. (See reason #3 not to).

So here I am listening to Christmas music and blogging away.  I don’t have my usual 10 pre-written entries that I started in October, so you can expect it to be more off the cuff this year.  Maybe that is not a good thing.  I guess we will see.  I do have a few things planned though.  I have 2 guest bloggers lined up, and a potential guest poet.  I read one of the entries yesterday and it is really good.  I’ve asked the boys to contribute this year, but we will see. Maybe I can get Kathleen to write an entry?  I have already asked her to make 5 gingerbread houses, 3 new flavors of fudge, to help me figure out how to print the party invitations, and to figure out how to make these walnut shaped cookies.  All of this on top of the usual cookies, candy, and fudge.  Hmm… probably that’s a no to an entry from Kat. I guess I better put the pressure back on the boys.

If you are reading this and thinking “Hey! Why didn’t he ask me to write an entry?” then shoot me an email at judsonkinkade@gmail.com and I’ll give you a day.

Happy December 1, 2014.  Eat that advent candy for me.

***So I got this entry written and then it took me 40 minutes to figure out what email address I use to log in to Blogger.  Luckily Kathleen is amazing and she knew.