Day Fourteen

How to enjoy cookie day.

Pick way too many cookie recipes to try and make. Alternatively be very ambitious about your baking skills.

Prepare nothing in advance, don’t pack up any essential tools, cookie sheets, cookie presses, etc. etc. 

Over sleep, rush around trying to find the essentials you should have packed up last night, leave late, so that you will arrive late to the party.

Experience family drama not fit for sharing on social media, but ensuring someone gets left at home on purpose and everyone else leaves in a sour mood.

Stop for sodas at OnCue, somehow witness an exodus of UPS trucks, 32 and counting.

Contemplate following a UPS truck and snatching up the boxes they deliver. Chant “Life Of Crime! Life Of Crime!” Over the phone to your family in the other car.  Remember you don’t look good in orange. Abandon plan of a life of crime.

Stop at the store to buy the ingredients you didn’t prepare for.  Also, buy alcohol. *allegedly

Arrive an hour plus late to cookie day party. 

Opt out of making any of your ambitiously planned cookies. Piggy back on the extra recipes of other guests. 

Be generous and pour liberally. Imbibe. Repeat.

Realize you don’t have the recipe that you actually want to make. Harass the son you left at hone to get him to text you the recipe.

Sample cookies.

Unwrap 36 Hershey kisses to “use in your recipe”. Eat a handful.

Sample more cookies.

Wash some dishes.

Be generous and pour liberally. Imbibe. Repeat.

Eat lunch.

Wash lunch dishes.

Sample cookies.

Be generous and pour liberally. Imbibe. Repeat.

Decide to go ahead and make thumbprint cookies. Ask Kathleen the most basic questions about following the recipe so that she starts to doubt any baking skills she might have believed you posses.

After making dough decide to “let it rest” until all the other cookies are out of the oven and/or decorated.

Be generous and pour liberally. Imbibe. Repeat.

Bake the cookies, filling the thumbprints with orange marmalade because when you were a kid that sounded so exotic. Also, Paddington likes it.

Get reminded about the Hershey kisses you unwrapped. Eat a few more.

Make one dozen off the thumbprint cookies with Hershey kisses.

Eat the rest of the unwrapped ones so that none go to waste.

Be pathetic so that Kathleen has to check and tell you when they are done because you can’t tell when they are finished, and Paul’s method of testing when cookies are done is, ‘when I can poke it with a hot pad.’ 

Pack up your share of all the cookies. 

Decide that you didn’t get enough cookies so pack up some extras of the ones you like.

Announce that since the hosts are skinny people you don’t want to temp them with too many cookies. Pack up a separate bag of these cookies you are saving them from. 

Eat cookies from this martyr bag of cookies on your way home. 

Collapse in a cookie coma on the couch once you get home. 

Wake up and eat a healthy dinner of a salad.

No seriously, I had a salad for dinner.

Really I did.

And a few slices of pizza, but only after I finished the salad.

Truly.

***any reports I was clutching a bag of cookies to my chest and smacking away Paul’s attempts to take them while screaming “Mine! Mine! Mine!” Are vicious rumors, and patently untrue. #FakeNews

Do me a favor? Eat a cookie? Just not one of mine!