Ornament Liberation Front

Y’all, today is December 16th, there are less than 10 days to Christmas and do you realize that not only has the ornament liberation front not liberated a single ornament from someone else’s home, place of business, restaurant, outdoor tree, or church, but NOT once has anyone even been tempted.  I’ve just been walking past trees hung with all manner of ornaments just minding my own business.  

I am not exactly sure how to process this information?  Have I lost the true meaning of christmas?  Is it a long term effect of covid?  Has the OLF just withered in the current political climate?  Is it a result of supply chain delays?

I know many of you are breaking this down to its simplest building blocks and thinking “what does it matter if Judson hasn’t tried to rehome someone else’s ornaments this year?  But I encourage you to look at the reality in the bigger scheme of things, what does it mean, cosmically, to the universe as a whole if an organization, no, a movement, dedicated to the liberation of ornaments that are improperly hung, or lacking the right background to properly highlight their true beauty no longer exists?

Are you willing to live in a world without elaborate distractions or schemes that enlist the assistance of small children and strangers?   Think back to the sacrifices, the year he tripped while doing the pass & grab and the foster son bolted as though he was a stranger?  The year he suggested a party host search another guest's purse as a distraction?  Was it all for naught?

I think we can all safely agree this is not the world we want to merely exist in.  So I urge you, no, I cajole and entreat you to think of Judson and the ornament liberation front this year as you go about your merriment and joyous activities.  I beg of you, think of the grand tradition and reach out.  Reach out and snag that ornament and make a hasty retreat before anyone catches you.  

In the classic words of Matthew Kinkade, “It’s not stealing if you don’t get caught”.