Day 3.2018

December 3, 2018. Two years ago we lost my sister in laws sister Geraldine. All day long as I ran my errands and took care or my obligations I had her memory with me.  I remembered the first time I met her, I remembered all the family gatherings she came to, I remember how she loved to tease my boys, and their cousins, and I remembered her fry bread. I miss her.

I always want to say that I don’t miss her as much as her sisters, or her parents. Of course I do not, except that I am reminded that grief can’t be quantified. So who is to say who misses her, or anyone we have lost more?  I’d be willing to go so far as to postulate that the absence in the world that was created in her passing impacts everyone.  Maybe on a grander scale the absence of those we have lost has impacted all of us? 

I had intended to write about Ger and share some funny stories,(remind me to tell you about when I learned to say snow in Navajo and it came out like a popular meme from that time), and then I was reminded that today is the 30^th anniversary of my friend Cody’s mom’s passing.   Which in turn reminds me of Christmas 2000; I had just returned to OKC from Tucson, where I had been with my mom when she had surgery and we learned she had cancer.  The day I returned to OKC I had made an obligatory appearance at a work function, and as per usual Cody was giving me a hard time about everything something.  He pushed too hard and I snapped at him, Dude, my mom is dying, verbalizing those terrible words for the first time.  I will never forget the hug that Cody gave me.  I knew he knew, that right then he understood how I felt.  Because of the impact of his mom’s absence, I was affected in a positive way.

Today is also my dear friend Heather’s dad’s birthday.  It has been a few years since he passed but today she shared a story on social media, as she frequently does of how his life has impacted people in her community in Owasso.  Because of the life he lived, the examples he set for his family, people’s lives are still being affected now.  I like that.

So lots of meandering, and memories and loss today. I’ll leave you with this, love them while you have got them.  Love them when they are gone, say their names. Let who they are make a difference in you. Then you make a difference for other people.